Designing Women

I was at my wrap-up marathon party on the week-end and I wore a sweater that I had knit (the Sunrise Circle jacket by Kate Gilbert). This is a sweater that I love. I loved knitting it - it was a simple stockinette stitch that morphed into this most incredible design, created by strategic increasing (and some decreasing, but really, mostly increasing). There were no sleeves to sew in (the bane of my knitting existence) and still, it is one of those sweaters that people just love. But when people say "You are so creative" I really want to say - "No, not me", because I think that the creativity is in the design, not the execution. And I know that this is at some level really wrong - we women always downgrade out talents and skills with a "Pfff - this old thing" kind of attitude.

But if I can put that thought aside for a minute - the designers out there in knitting land - there are some wicked talented people there. Kate Gilbert (Sunrise Circle, Samantha Roshak, Ysolda Teague (Vivian) - these are just three that I can think of at the moment (oh, I just thought of several more - Anne Hanson, Cat Bordhi,
Kirsten Kapur) - and these are just a few whose patterns I have knit or have queued in Ravelry. (Now the hamster is running - Fiona Ellis, Cookie A., Norah Gaughn, Jared Flood). Every time I knit a design (really, almost any design) I am blown away by the thought that has gone into the design process - for example, in this sweater that I just finished (Vivian), the body is knit to the underarms and then the sleeves are knit and then they are joined together in a really cool manner that incorporates the cable pattern and then slides into the shoulder, which turns into the hood - you really would need to think outside the box to put this all together. Well, I would have to think outside the box.

See I don't think I have a design bone in my body. I am one of those "follow the pattern" - and if I incorporate a change, it is not because I thought about it ahead of time. It's usually because I made a mistake and rather than rip it all out, I incorporate it into my garment. And I would really like to be able to create in that manner or really, in any manner, since I can play the piano (but not by ear and certainly not my own compositions) and I can write a little bit - but I have never really had a thought about writing a book or anything. This blog is my first foray into any kind of public writing.

The only thing I have created has been my children (in collaboration with my husband) and they are still a work in progress (I guess we all are, when you think about it). When I read about people who are "thinking" about starting to design things, it really takes my breath away, because it never even occurs to me to think about it, let alone try.

I suppose like most things, it starts small - there is an urge to find just the right garment (be it sweater or cowl) and when it can't be found, the person in question sketches out her own ideas and after some pain (probably a lot of pain) and lots and lots of ripping and re-knitting (and swearing) then the whole thing comes together.

Sometimes, I want to say "Why, yes, I knit this. Oh, and I designed it too." (I draw the line at saying I spun the wool. Despite having a spinning wheel, I have never gone beyond the rudimentary stages of learning to spin - for me that would be crazy making.) But really? That is not me - so I guess I should just say "Thank you - I did knit it" and leave it at that.

The world has to have everyone in it - the people who design, the people who spin, the people who knit. If we all just designed, there wouldn't be much of a market to cater to. Ditto for the spinners and the knitters.

But I do wish that the muse had given me just a tetch of the creative mode - just a bit.

What's with this cold??

So I am starting a campaign for "Stupid Cold" days - where you are stupid if you go out. The weather in Calgary this week has been downright chilly. Yesterday was -29 (with the wind chill) and today it was -20 when I got up. There is minimal wind however, so the radio stations are not reporting the wind chill - and it even looks like the sun is coming out.

I only want "Stupid Cold" days from Monday to Friday, mind you - so I don't have to go to work - just stay at home where it is sensible, to drink coffee and knit or read or nap. Since I am not in one of those jobs where the world would fall apart if I did not show up (say, like a doctor or a bus driver) I suppose I could call in sick - but I am haunted by an exalted sense of responsibility, so I haul myself out to the car and into traffic to get up to the university to do my thing. But the chair and blanket and yarn beckons relentlessly.

The local drive-home CBC show has been running a "It's so cold...." phone in this week and I have my own completion statements. It's so cold.... that my "designed in Sweden built in Canada" car window stopped working and needed an extensive, expensive repair before it would go up again. It's so cold..... that my computer hard drive got sick (i.e. developed a virus) and at last look appears headed for Mexico. It's so cold....that no one wants to run - even with all their cold weather running gear. It's so cold..... that even the teenagers are putting on hats and hoods (but no mittens - has to be -45 for mittens to appear, apparently.)

It looks to be warming up for next week, for which I am eternally grateful - people will want to run again, my car will be happy - and maybe even my computer will work again.

But I still think "Stupid Cold" days are a good idea.

I hereby resolve....

So I typically don't make resolutions. Through a long process of self-discovery, I have realized that as soon as I make a resolution, I break it. Not because I want to, as my intentions are usually pretty good. I think it is more about the things that I want to accomplish the most, I do anyway - and putting them to paper seems to somehow mean that I can rest on my laurels as I have resolved to do something - and so I don't really have to do it. (If this makes sense in any sort of convoluted way, please let me know!)

This year, however, I have decided to make them again - but make them with a goal in mind - so they are not really resolutions, but more steps towards accomplishments that I want to do anyway.
So here I go:

In 2011 I resolve:

1. To reduce the pile of books by my bedside by 50% (currently numbers somewhere in the 45 - 60 range). Why I have that many, I am not sure - it's not like the book is going to disappear the second I don't buy it (well, except for second-hand books, because someone might just snatch that bargain away from under my nose if I am not careful!) And besides - there will be less to dust....

2. Which brings me to my next resolution. To try and tidy just a BIT more often. My house generally looks like a bomb has gone off - between 2 boys still at home and lots of things to distract me AND the fact that I don't really like housework, things like dusting and vacumning never get done. I don't want to go overboard - I like a house that looks lived in and inviting - but I think the laundry on the dining room table (for 2 weeks at a time) could go. And in case any of my children are reading this? You get to be part of this too!! (Sharing is part of any good resolution strategy.)

3. To take more baths. Which will help with resolution # 1. If I don't fall asleep in the tub. Which I do. Alot.

4. Get to bed earlier. Sleep "that knits up the ravelled sleeve of care". Besides being good for me, I think it might help my productivity and my running. And maybe my weight (but I am not counting on it). Besides, sometimes I am just plain tired.

5. Knit more, instead of wasting my time playing Plants vs. Zombies. You wouldn't think a non-violence sort of person like me would like a game like that, but I do. Perhaps it relieves some latent hostility I have towards gardening. (By the way,I don't think I have latent hostility - but the zombies win more than the plants, so perhaps I need to explore that.)

6. Try (really hard) not to buy more wool. OK - why am I even writing that? Maybe I should say - only buy wool that speaks deeply to me and begs to be knit into beautiful things.

7. Stop biting my tongue so much. I think I always want to be seen as the good person - which means I often swallow my opinion instead of speaking my mind. Then I mutter (alot) under my breath. In the interests of preserving my tongue, I am going to let some of those thoughts out. I will still be nice - just a little more candid.

8. Post blogs twice a week. Just trying to set an example for my daughter - if she is reading this.....

I think that's enough. If I can achieve these 8 and feel satisfied, then it will be a good year.

Happy New Year!!

The luck of the draw

So I have had a string of good luck this year - at least that is what others have called it. I won the 50/50 draw at the Roughnecks lacrosse game in April. I won free tickets to see a writer I like. I won some free patterns on various blogs. The latest was a $50 win on a lottery ticket that I purchased in October. (Before I go on, I should say that I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a gambler - but I do take the occasional flurry - usually when I go to buy a Saturday paper and the ticket booth happens to catch my eye - and it is always a quick pick and I always get the Plus.)

I was walking home from a final Christmas gift purchase (yes - walking - because AE had the car - and that appears to be what parents do when their child has the car). (As an aside - it is SO nice not to have to drive her half-way across town for her extra-curricular life - and then have to drive back again to pick her up. Mind you, I have my fingers crossed the entire time she is gone - not because she is a bad driver, but because everyone else is).

Anyway, I was walking and thinking about luck - and I decided that I am lucky, but not because I win things. I am lucky because I have many, many things that bring my life joy and blessing - the money is nice - but it means nothing if I have nothing else in my life. So here is my list of things that make me feel lucky:

I have work that I love (even if it is not my ideal place of work, I love being surrounded by books and getting to read them - all, if I choose to).

I have enough to eat and to feed my family.

I have three wonderful children - all healthy, all mostly happy, and they seem to understand that if you work hard, you are rewarded, that laughter is good and that family is important.

A great husband, who loves me and lets me be me. He is still my favourite person to talk to.

Things that I love to do, like running and knitting and reading and cooking - and the time, space and money to pursue them all.

Good friends - the women in my book-club, the university friends (that I see only once a year, but make me feel like we only parted last week, instead of 30+ years ago), my childhood friend who is coming to visit next week, and my newer friends who have only become part of our life in the last 3 or so years.

The skills and time (and money) to give to those organizations whose work inspires me.

3 brothers and a sister (and their partners) who I am exceptionally close to - even when we live many miles apart.

My mother, who continues to inspire me with her zest for life and her refusal to be old, in spite of her 87 years.

The fact that I live in Canada - I think there is something special about Canada and Canadians and despite our current Prime Minister, we still have the potential to be one of the world leaders in common sense, good judgement and generous natures. Maybe it's the cold and snow??

There is lots more I could name - but won't, because that would be boring. It just seems that occasionally, I should stop and count the lucky moments in my life - the luck that comes from who and what are around me, not what I win.

I will not ever never knit anyone anything for Christmas (this year)(with apologies to Lauren Child.....)

So a great number of the bloggers I follow are knitting for Christmas - but I am not.

I used to knit for Christmas - every year (in the early years of our marriage) I used to knit my husband a sweater. And that was a major labour of love, since he is 6'4" with VERY LONG arms. (Quick note to my daughter - smaller men are nice too. Just saying.....) All those beautiful sweaters are under our bed in a bin - he rarely wears them now - some are out of fashion, but it's more because sweaters are too warm for the office and he prefers a sweatshirt around the house. At least that is what he said. I am not knitting for him this year.

I am not knitting for my oldest son - because he scorns my knitting during the time of year when it is most appropriate (see previous entry of November 29).

I am not knitting for my youngest son - he wears a uniform to school, has a great number of hats and mitts (most hand-knit, some by me) to protect him from the cold and he runs around the house in boxers and t-shirts the rest of the time. So I am not knitting for him.

I am not knitting for my daughter - well, I am knitting a pair of fingerless gloves - but they were a test-knit for Samantha Roshak last March and I am just getting around to finishing them now. So I am not knitting for her for Christmas.

I am not knitting for friends. Last year, I knit the French press felted slippers for a friend and her daughters. The felting caused 4 of the 6 slippers to look like they were made for the right foot - even though they were clearly and carefully made for the left (well, two of them were). Despite all sorts of wetting and blocking, they are still sitting in my knit basket, all 4 right footed ones - and unless I can fix them up, there they will stay. So I am not knitting for friends.

I am knitting for me - but these are projects started long ago, with no real deadline in mind - and considering that I have only braved the mall once in the past 2 weeks, we still do not have a Christmas tree and the only baking I have is shortbread sent by my mother, I think the writing is on the wall that these sweaters will not be done for Christmas either.

So I am not knitting for anyone this year - and to be honest, all I mostly feel is relief , tinged with sadness because I like to gift people with things I have made. But I value my sanity and I know that if I knit for one, I would feel obliged to knit for all - and I can't do that (well, I could - but I would have to give up all hope of sleeping, eating, running or working in the next 10 days and these are things I also value greatly).

Next year, I might knit for others - but this year, I am not (unless someone comes up with the perfect knitting gift that takes 1 hour (tops) and requires yarn that is in my stash - why then, THEN I might be tempted......)

In which knitting for my children proves futile....

So apparently Calgary was the second coldest place ON THE EARTH yesterday - it was -31.2 C (and although that's cold - I can honestly say I have felt colder -  but I digress). So my oldest son (15) goes out the door with a hoodie, runners, no mitts, no hat, and basically scorning my offers of knitted things to keep him warm.

It's almost enough to make me give up knitting....at least for him.

How cold is it?

I ran this morning - -21C (I deliberately didn't listen for the wind chill - sometimes it's better not to know). Part of the group I trained with for Long Beach are also running the Honolulu marathon. Today was their 4 hour run, so knowing how much fresh people with new conversation are appreciated half-way through a long run, I decided to join up with them at that point. So with two layers of tights, 3 layers of shirts plus my jacket, my down ski mitts and MH's toque, I went out. After 10 minutes of waiting, I went off alone (I was getting cold) - and met them as I was coming back (I did an out and back run). The good news? I RAN (always important to feel smug) - if I had known that I would not meet up with them until 50 minutes into my run, I likely would have stayed in my jammies. But the fact that I was there, dressed and ready, meant it was a foregone conclusion that I would run. I usually feel strong and proud of myself for running anyway - but when I run in these conditions, it's like a huge shot of self-worth, wrapped up in a box and tied with a bow. The bad news - I wiped out - running by the river is always a little tricky as things tend to be icier. I don't think I have done any permanent harm, however - too many layers and the fact that I was running in the cold meant I didn't really feel it anyway - at least until now.